Sunday, April 21, 2013

It's Not All Rainbows, Puppies, And Unicorns.

       If you are looking for rainbows, unicorns, puppies and pure diet inspiration, turn back now and tune in next Sunday.  It's been tough this week.  I'm cranky, really cranky.  This is hard, really hard. When I am in the gym I feel unstoppable and I train like a fucking super hero but by 2 pm I am toast.  Exhausted, hungry and using what little strength I have left to not lose my cool all week long has been a challenge.  I'm not saying I haven't had some fantastic moments the past seven days, I'm just saying this week has been pretty rough and mentally I feel wrecked. I am just tired of feeling unsatisfied and it would be nice to go a day without feeling my blood sugar crash and burn in the afternoon after crazy training sessions in the morning.  Then I am stuck trying to recover from that the rest of the evening.  EXHAUSTED!!!! HUNGRY!!!!  CRAVING HEAVY, WARM, DELICIOUS, COMFY FUEL, no doubt.  I CAN"T WAIT TO EAT WITH MY FAMILY AGAIN!!!!

     It hasn't been all bad though, my body has continued to change and training is going great.  I am touching myself more then ever and I feel AMAZING!!!  My underwear are falling off and I am back in my size 2 Lulu speed shorts.  My husband said I am so skinny it looks like my feet are growing!!!  He also suggested that I am so little I may need to be in the figure category ;) AHHHHHHH!!! LOL!! My suits came and they are GORGEOUS!!  I fear my prejudging suit may be a bit over the top with the metallic snake skin print but, hey, that sounds about right for me.

       OK, OK, SOOOOO...I'm just human and I know these bad feelings and grumpiness will pass. I just needed to get it off my chest I guess.  I am very thankful and proud of my accomplishments so far.  Life changing goals like this aren't easy but they are so worth it.  So far this journey has been an incredible growing experience and I am stronger then ever on so many levels. Especially mentally. I think about my life and I glow because I feel so incredibly blessed.  The things I've lived through and the drastic changes I have made over the years are freaking awesome and looking back I can't believe I am here.  It really is  incredible. This all goes back to a post I wrote weeks ago... Anyone can change,  It all starts with a decision, then a commitment to that decision, dedication along with consistency and perseverance. Perseverance is where your character comes in and you really get to shine after everyone has stopped paying attention and you are behind closed doors. That's when sticking with it really counts. I mean I didn't stop drinking a fifth and a half a day and then immediately go to the CrossFit games the next week or take care of my dad with Alzheimer disease took time, hard work and a lot of growth to be able to handle things like that, especially while no one was looking.  Sometimes you are forced into that growth, sometimes it's a choice.
 I committed my life to change, there were bumps along the way, and it didn't happen overnight but as the days went by, things got better and better and I became happier and happier with myself. Just like this week, it's not going that great but I know if I stick with it the rewards will be sweet. I guess I am writing all this crap because I really needed to hear it myself.  A friendly little reminder for me to not be a total vag. It's good to take on change that is very challenging and scares the shit out of you once in a while.  That stage scares the shit out of me but I CAN'T WAIT TO CONQUER IT!!!  Bling bling!!!

Negatives of the week: The whole first paragraph DUH. Also I had a latte and a couple squares of organic dark chocolate ( I wanted to put that in the positives but since it is "cheating" I guess it should go here, blah).

Positives:  Everything else. I LOVE TRAINING!!!  I may be grumpy and starving in the afternoons but I am hanging in and enjoying the experience.  I may need to consider setting aside a cat nap time during the day even if I don't actually sleep.  A few quiet minutes to rest and reboot could be very helpful. Also I took a TOTAL rest day today and even though it is my usually miserable super low carb/cal day I feel great.  Maybe I really needed that! :)  AND MY SUITS ARE FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!  HALF WAY!!!!!!! JUNE 8TH!!!!

I am thankful for this blog, it helps keep me motivated and I am so glad I have all this documented to look back on.  Thank you guys for reading!!! Have a great week!!!!

“Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did.”

― Newt Gingrich


  1. Love it again, we got this.:)

  2. I can't believe you have time to workout, I would be in the mirror 24/7!!! You are doing GREAT!!!!