Sunday, May 12, 2013

Some Reflections On This Journey and A Happy Mother's Day.


     I used to give my dad a Mother's Day Card every year.  I knew it meant so much to him.  For most of my life it was just me and him and he was my mom, my dad,  my best friend and always my biggest fan.  Even as life changed throughout the years we always stayed so incredibly close.  When I moved to NC so did he.  We had it like that.  Always there for each other no matter what.  He was that constant I had in my life that was so very comforting. I wish I could hear him tell me how beautiful I am or give me a hug like he did every single day.  I want to hear him laugh so bad I would give anything.  I  miss him terribly.  That brings us to how this all started...

     Right before my dad got sick I was already unsatisfied with my training and eating habits. I was just stagnant.   I knew I wanted a change.  By the time he was in the hospital I was eating like shit everyday and rarely getting to any gym at all.  When he passed, I had two choices to make, 1: take all my new found free time and feel sorry for myself or 2: pick something to conquer and make him proud.  I chose the latter... Thank God because between him and then all my close friends moving ( Thanks Army- The Voice) I could of ended up in a bad way.  Instead, I had this training and diet to focus on and I am so thankful. I threw myself right into the deep end.   It has helped me tremendously on so many levels. I am really enjoying it and I feel better about myself then I ever have.  Plus Thelma and Louise are in full effect for one last go around on NC turf! ;)

       I had no idea I would make it as far as I have.  I remember my first blog post and I said to myself " Oh fuck, I better pray I can even make enough progress to get on that stage at all."  I can get on that stage and be proud.  For years I found myself comparing my body to others.  Something of mine was never good enough.   Recently that has all changed.  I had an "Aha" moment while practicing posing on stage.  I realize that there will always be a girl with bigger more defined muscles, less body fat or a have a heavier clean and jerk or a faster Fran. That white board or that girls big blingged out round ass doesn't define how I should feel about myself.  When I was on stage all alone posing in front of people I realized none of that mattered.  It didn't matter because it's not about them.  It's about me being the best I can be at what I am doing at that moment. SO I FEEL GREAT!!  I LOVED being up there posing in front of everyone,  little legs and all because they have come so far!!  I felt confident and I was smiling ear to ear!!  It was fun and that is what it is all about!!  So looking back I have learned that my progress and having a good time is all that matters. I set out to do something and I am well on my way.  Some little stupid cheap ass trophy isn't why I am doing this.  I am doing it for the journey ( and of course the profile pictures DUH.).  I can't wait to be up on stage all brown and weird with my girls!! :)

      Look we aren't perfect.  I eat way to much powdered peanut butter and jello. I still have delicious almond milk.  I didn't do enough cardio yesterday.  I'm not down on myself about it.  It's ok. I work my ass off.  This is all a hobby and it should be fun not torture.  If powdered peanut butter makes it not torture, so be it.  I am reaching my goals,  growing and making wonderful progress...soooooo chalk up a WIN!!

Negatives of the week:  THE MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF POWDERED PEANUT BUTTER I HAVE CONSUMED.  I wanted to put that in the positives but I probably shouldn't. I guess it didn't help matters that my monthly visitor is here.  You would think a reward for training this hard and not eating that much would be no period, but NOPE.  Anyway, 4: 45 am comes early but in a weird way I like it.  It makes me feel super accomplished and focused to be knocking out a training session before the rest of the world even thinks about starting their day.

Positives:  All my training was great.  Working out to look MY best is FANTASTIC! It feels right( for now anyway, you never know what I will do next).  I slept in till 6 today and my husband gave me a massage.  This last posing clinic was incredibly insightful.  I just want June 8th to get here!! I can't wait to get back to Paleo. Packing and preparing has become easy and fast.  Going caveman again will be very enjoyable.   All the messages I have been getting from here to Afghanistan are awesome.  I am so happy I have inspired others to go after it.  I hope it makes them as I happy as it does me.  :)

Happy Mother's Day, keep your priorities straight, don't forget what YOUR goals are and have a great week!!

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